The divorce saga of a popular Nigerian Actor, Ay Makun, giving up on his marriage of 20 years with his wife, Mabel Makun , is another reminder of how often people are towing the path of divorce. The comedian makes up thousands of celebrates who have graced this journey of separating from their better halves.
This phase of life that tags one as a ” divorcee” raises questions of how they cope with the aftermath of dissolving their marital affairs.
How do they feel after getting a divorce?
Is there any regrets after the divorce?
How traumatizing is the experience?
Or are they happy being divorce from their partners?
These and more interrogative sentences hack the minds of the public of how individuals caught in this web of divorce are coping with the aftermath of the situation.
Delving into the life stories of women who are divorced, some divorcee describe their experience as one grieving a person that is alive while others say the aftermath leaves one with a pain that she has to deal with the rest of your life.
Narrating her story on Voice Your Stories’ platform, Mary ( not real name) who divorced her husband on the grounds of catholic abuses, said entering into the dating scene is hard because once single men are aware of your status, they are likely to take advantage of you.
” After divorcing my husband, the dating scene became difficult because every guy I meet just want to sleep with me and move on, they do not take me serious because I am a single mother and a divorcee “
Voicing her story on the sun newspaper, Eunice Omerah who was 37 said the church stigmatized her once she divorced her abusive husband. Eunice said she was married to her abusive ex husband for 10 years and when she saw that the ill treatment was threatening her life, she decided to divorce him.
“I endured years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse at the hands of my ex-husband,” she says, “I kept enduring because my pastor told me that a wise woman builds her home with her hands.”
About her being stigmatized in church, Eunice said she was stunned when my pastor ordered her to stop working in the ushering department because of her divorcee status.
“I also noticed that many women in the church started avoiding me too. They’d talk in hush tones whenever I am around.”
Rita Otika on the same platform also recounted her aftermath of divorce, noting that her mother disowned her for bringing shame in the family by divorcing her husband.
“At that time, I felt alone and ashamed. I didn’t have enough resources available and the legal aspect of ending my marriage overwhelmed me. No one in my immediate family had ever divorced. My mother disowned me for bringing shame to my family,” she recounts.
“They told me I was a failure for refusing to endure my marital challenges. My duty, according to them, was to work on my marriage like other women were doing instead of divorcing my rich husband,” she recalls.
To Rebecca Matias, she left her marriage because of 12 years of verbal and financial abuse from her former husband. She was forced to always transfer her salary into her husband’s account and he will chose to give her peanuts in return.
“I worked like a slave for years while my ex was using my money to frolic around town with young girls and even married women. He was building a house in his village with money without my knowledge. He would abuse me and slap me around if I refuse to part with my hard-earned money,” reveals Matias.
When she filed for divorce, this didn’t go well with the financially wealthy family of her ex-husband. To inflict her with her decision, they decided to haunt her even after divorcing the man for one year. She was also tagged a harlot for moving on with another man.
Rachel Philips was also a victim of such prejudices as she tried to rent an apartment after her divorce. The Landlord actually called her a husband snatcher once he was aware away of her status.
“He told me he won’t give out his apartment to a woman who left her husband to start sleeping around, because divorced women are not under a man’s authority, they are like prostitutes” Phillips recounts.
Digging into the social media comments, other women from other part of the world also expressed the ordeals they faced after divorce.
Voicing her divorce story, Renee Jordan said she was married for 20years and when she discovered that her spouse was cheating, she decided to divorce him.
“My emotions were up and down like a roller coaster and I felt unsure of what was next for me. It took 6 years for me to accept that I had been pretending to be happy with that man.
Thandi hinted that distancing oneself from someone you have been connected to for more than 20 years is “hard to do”. To remedy the situation as a divorce woman, she had to be strong in the process.
Another divorcee, Khamyle Vinales, felt like mourning the death, ” Divorce for me was like grieving the death of a love one, death of future plan and dream that was once shared , death of the family unit, In time my strength was restored and I’m at peace moving forward, this takes time.
Similarly, Michel Barnes hinted that divorce took her through a long journey and she felt lost in the process.
“It took a while for my light to appear, it was a long journey, moments of feeling lost and uncertain. Today I can truly say, I love who I am today, I found myself and I love the skin that I’m in. I’ve learned one thing for certain, you can’t put a price on peace of mind and sanity”
Similarly ,Cynthia Evans said she has been married for three times and each of her marital affair was over 10years, she therefore described each experience after divorce as “painful” while Alma Gill likened the aftermath of divorce to a grief that makes one to “learn to live with the experience.”
She said the experience will make one to stand renewed, love again, marry again and become a better version of yourself ready to work at being a couple for the rest of your life <3 open yourself to find love in the most unusual places.
Towana Jones- it will be 5 years for me in June that I’ve been divorced and it truly has been one of my hardest life’s challenges. I was married for 21 years and I thought it would be forever. Learning what my new normal looks like hasn’t been easy. However, this journey has taught me so much and I’ve found myself because of it and because of that it’s been worthwhile.
Regardless of the pains of the aftermath of divorce, we should not forget that there is a good side of divorce.
According to Mary, she is happy she walked out of the marriage because it was emotionally draining. She noted that it can be painful but at the end , it is worth it.
Omerah said that it has helped her find the person she lost, “It helped me take back my life.” while Otika said that divorce has offered her complete freedom of time because this has given her the opportunity to network with people.
To Rebecca Matias, her ability to have full control of her money is a breakthrough for her. Omerah gain is that it has helped her find the person she lost, “It helped me take back my life. ” According to Renee Jordan, “I am experiencing a sense of freedom and peace that I had not felt in a long time. When I let go of him, to my surprise I found me.”
To Thandi Tee, she said ,” I became a stronger version of myself during the process and discovered a piece of me I never knew existed. There is light at the end of the tunnel! “
Alma Gill said the aftermath of divorce has given people the opportunity ” to stand renewed, love again, marry again and become a better version of yourself ready to work at being a couple for the rest of your life.”
